Verb-Tense Agreement

Talk with some one on English grammar. How do you think they will respond? Phobia galore that's what they will exhibit. They say there are just too many rules and it is difficult for a non-native speaker to remember when speaking or writing English.

What do you think?

I think English rules are learnable. Yes, there may be confusion of singulars and plurals; on irregular verbs and idioms and phrasal verbs. Most people however fumble with verb-tense agreement or concordance.

To me, it is very simple.

There are singular subjects and singular verbs. Subjects such as I and you will take singular verbs. For example: I walk. You walk. For subjects like he, she and it, the verbs will always be an action word with an 's' added to it. Therefore: he walks; she walks; it walks.

Plural subjects will have plural verbs. Therefore: We walk;they walk. There is no 's' added to such action words.

In the 'to be' category; it is always: I am and You are. The past tense will be: I was, he was, she was and it was . Take note: You always take the plural both in present and in the past tense. Thus, you are and you were.

Heartsong

Pretty Women

We have all set eyes on pretty women. They may not be the paramours of the silver screen or dolled up vixens in bridal make-up. But as men, they certainly appeal to us and captivate our hearts.

And how it sadden us when we see them being pursued by pretenders and 'wolves' in their fancy sports cars. But who are we to complain when we lack all these to be able to attract these creatures of comfort? The world is such. Only the lucky few that are endowed with mucho dinero can tackle these sensuous sirens. Like the flowers that bloom in spring, they must be plucked during spring-time. Comes summer, they will be side-lined. Next spring will see another carpet of lovely flowers and the flowers of yesterday will all be but forgotten.

So do not blame these beautiful girls for falling head over heels with "wolves" and pretenders in their spring-time of life. Nature makes them such. Only experience will tell them that the 'wolves' are after only one thing. Like bees they will be after new flowers when spring comes along once more.

Will they never learn, these pretty girls?

Fast food Fight

Lately,there have been so many promotions between the fast foot outlets. Chiefly, we have the straight fight between McDonalds' and BurgerKing. Also, Pizza Hut has gone into the act as well as Delifrance.

Looking at the offer, the best is still from McDonalds this April which is their 25th Anniversary. You get a free meal item for every purchase above RM3.00.

Killing time

Killing Time

What do you do when you have 90 minutes to killed every week?

I used to have this problem when my son was taking Mandarin tuition in Taman Tun Dr. Ismail. It was on Saturday afternoons just after lunch.

We would bring him for lunch first at Restaurant OK where they served the best curry mee and char keuy teow this side of KL. Then off we whiskd him to his place of study.

Initially, we did not know what to do with the 90 minutes. We would literally walk around TTDI aimlessly, spend sometime in a mamak shop and do some by-the -way shopping at the neighbourhood supermarket.

With time, we knew we could go over to One-Utama by parking on the other side of the shopping complex. We did just that and we soon were shopping at the Jaya Jusco and Giant Supermarkets buying our week's marketing requirements.

Now we are once more saddled with time to kill. Our daughter is taking up Mandarin tuition in Aman Suria. We do not have the pleasure of a supermarket nearby. We only have a 2 mamak shops and a Watsons.

It is really difficult to kill time and so I have to order a teh tarik and read until its time to fetch my daughter.

Heartsong

At a Cyber Cafe

It is interesting the first time you go to a cyber cafe. You pay the RM2 and then you do what you want to do.

First you have to get used to their desktop. As there was no Mozilla Firefox, I just typed in the web-page and went to see the stock pages as well as visit my blogs. I did some correction.

When your time runs out, a small meter on the desk-top will give you the count-down to zero and then you vamoose!

Another Mirage?

Bursa went up this morning as if nothing serious is happening in China. So the impending interest rate rise in China which will make funds more costly to dabble in the stock markets seems to affect only China?

Talk about contagion effect. It looks like the market will believe what it believes. Until the news of the interest actually materialised, I think the markets elsewhere would operate as if they are closed economies; which is not the case. So what gives?

I believe this morning upward bias is because shares have become cheaper and some fund managers have money in the kitty to buy in. Speculators may be more cautious as yesterday was quite a jolting experience!

We would have to wait until the witching hour to see whether the market has found its legs and is ready to climb somemore. Gentings, KPS and RCE look good this morning. hope they can sustain in to the afternoon.Quote o f the Day:"Don't Talk unless you can improve the silence." Unknown. Heartsong

THE GREATEST ADVICE

Don't date because you are desperate.
Don't marry because you are miserable.
Don't have kids because you think your genes are superior.
Don't philander because you think you are irresistible.

Don't associate with people you can't trust.
Don't cheat. Don't lie. Don't pretend.
Don't dictate because you are smarter.
Don't demand because you are stronger.

Don't sleep around because you think you are old enough & know better.
Don't hurt your kids because loving them is harder.
Don't sell yourself, your family, or your ideals.
Don't stagnate!

Don't regress.
Don't live in the past. Time can't bring anything or anyone back.
Don't put your life on hold for possibly Ms. / Mr. Right.
Don't throw your life away on absolutely Ms./Mr. Wrong because your
biological clock is ticking.

Learn a new skill.
Find a new friend.
Start a new career.
Sometimes, there is no race to be won, only a price to be paid for
some of life's more hasty decisions.

To terminate your loneliness, reach out to the homeless.
To feed your nurturing instincts, care for the needy.
To fulfill your parenting fantasies, get a puppy.
Don't bring another life into this world for all the wrong reasons.

To make yourself happy, pursue your passions & be the best of what you can be.
Simplify your life. Take away the clutter.
Get rid of destructive elements: abusive friends, nasty habits, and
dangerous liaisons.
Don't abandon your responsibilities and don't overdose on duty.

Don't live life recklessly without thought and feeling for your family.
Be true to yourself.
Don't commit when you are not ready.
Don't keep others waiting needlessly.

Go on that trip. Don't postpone it.
Say those words. Don't let the moment pass.
Do what you have to, even at society's scorn.

Write poetry.

Love Deeply.
Walk barefoot.
Dance with wild abandon.
Cry at the movies.

Take care of yourself.
Don't wait for someone to take care of you.
You light up your life.
You drive yourself to your destination.

No one completes you - except YOU.

It isn't true that life does not get easier with age.
It only gets more challenging.
Don't be afraid. Don't lose your capacity to love.

Pursue your passions.

Live your dreams.
Don't lose faith.
Don't grow old. Just grow YOU!

When you give someone your time, you are giving them a portion of your
life that you'll never get back.
Your time is your life. That is why the greatest gift you can give to
someone is your time.
Relationships take time and effort, and the best way to spell love is
T-I-M-E because the essence of love is not what we think or do or
provide for others,

but how much we give of ourselves.

Superquotes from - The Purpose Driven Life

When strangers meet….

I am sure we have had our share of embarrassment, fumbles and boo-boos when meeting a person of the opposite sex.

It is universal. For both sexes, meeting someone for the first time can be a harrowing experience- unnerving is the word. What do you say to her after the perfunctory ‘hello’?

You may want to pay compliments to a girl on her dressing. If so, you must be sincere in your compliments. Make sure that she is wearing something deserving of praise. You may want to ask her how her work day went. How would you react if she said her day 'sucks'? You may be at a loss of words.

First meetings can be awkward. You are most likely to put your foot in your mouth. So be careful. You don’t want to say too much on your first meeting. Coming too strong on your first date can frighten a prospective girl-friend away.

You must find a way to break the ice. If only we have love coaches around to guide us.

Studies have shown that only about 10 percent of our communication is verbal. The rest are in the form of body language. If so, how can we acquire and harness this knowledge to ensure our relationships start on a firm footing?

Gurus in the field of social relationships have claimed that they have studied body language sufficiently long and deep. They claimed they can now read and interpret certain signs and postures fairly accurately.

Generally, they have imputed meanings into specific areas of body language which are associated with our facial expressions and our physical posturing.

Positive body language to exhibit must include a warm smile. Then you must maintain eye contact when your date is talking. Do not appear distant. This might send the wrong signals to her that you are bored or uncaring.

Another big no no to take note. The gurus advised that you should never fold your arms or crossed your legs. This could mean you have put an end to the conversation. Hold a glass in your hand or let your arms hang freely. If you need to cross your legs, cross them at your ankles and not at your knees.

Lastly, your lady friend likes her personal space; so learn to keep out of her private space. Entering too close too soon can be intrusive and viewed as aggressive. She might withdraw prematurely.

So there you have it. Some pointers on body language.

Are you now ready to use this new-found knowledge?...

Quote of the Day:

"There is no instinct like that of the heart. " Lord Byron

Heartsong-Heartstrong

Size does Matter, so says King Kong

Ravindran Mailvaganam wrote in Malaysiakini today about something else. I am more amused by his reference to the mating habits of some species of simians.

Let me quote him:

“I am reminded of what naturalist and wildlife photographer, Sir David Attenborough said. During the mating season a larger than average male may display its genitals to other competing males, and invariably some timid males, beholding the size of the exhibitionist’s tool would quickly drop out of the potentially bloody struggle for the alpha male status.

A slightly improved version of this simian play has been practised by the natives of Papua New Guinea for centuries. The men would wear long tubular contraptions between their thighs to emphasise their colossal manhood.

Often, some timid native, misled by the size of the tubular contraption of a larger male, would give him a wide berth although in reality the larger male may not be as vigorous as Cary Grant was in his senior years or even as amorous as Rudolph Valentino was in the 1920s.”

For those interested in this topic anthropologically, do grab this book, “Rituals of Manhood” by Gilbert H. Herdt.

So do we or don't we have an interesting and mind-blowing blogging topic to discuss here?

Is size that important?

I think this makes for a good blog discourse. Let’s hear it from you hot-shot boys and also you derring-do gals…Any takers?

Quote of the Day:

"Poetry,the genre of purest beauty, was born of a truncated woman:her head severed from her body with a sword,a symbolic penis." Andrea Dworkin

Heartsong-Heartstrong

Of Marital Bliss and Casualty of Love

Braving a tropical rainstorm, we drove into the premises of the Royal Selangor Golf Club. We were there to attend the 40^th Anniversary Wedding Dinner of our friends, Dr. Ho and Vivien. Near the door to the doorway of Fairways Restaurant, at a table, we wrote our well wishes onto a broad sheet of white paper which we were told, would be framed up by the Hos.

The anniversary function started on time. The Master of Ceremonies motioned to everyone to pipe down. Then the strains of the nostalgic ‘Wedding Song” filled the air. Two cute little girls then marched in through the floral arch at the door-way followed by two bigger girls and then hand in hand; Ho and Vivien, immaculately dressed to the nines, came in.

After some appropriate-to-the-occasion bible verses were recited by a grand-daughter, the grandchildren then sang some Christian songs in celebration to the Lord while a grandson beat a drum in accompaniment. Ho and Vivien were then requested to come forward to renew their marriage vows. Very touching.

Then we had dinner. Buffet style-average fare.

Audrey and Angie, their two lovely daughters then approached the lectern, in turn, to shower praises on their parents for their love. They thanked their parents for their love and dedication to them. Audrey praised her parents for their foresight in putting her through Mandarin class which she found absolutely useful while working in China and now in the USA. Both felt their parents had given them ample opportunities to grow and to be what they are today.

This was followed by a video screening, montaging the phases of the Hos’ married life through photographs - how they first met, their stirring romance, the marriage, the birth of their 3 children and then finally; ‘off-loading’ the children through marriage. The photo captions were funny and the background music was Chaplinish, invoking the aura of the latter day silent movies with added soundtrack sans dialogue.

Then Vivien came forward to give a speech extolling the virtues in Ho and his faithfulness and dedication to her. Ho, in turn, summarily professed his undying love for Vivien. The dinner crowd were amused by the lovely use of such phrase as “If I have to choose a life partner again, it will still be …..”

Like any marriage, there is the high point and the low point. Speaking on behalf of himself and Vivien, Ho told the diners that the high point was when he and Vivien embraced the Christian faith in 2001. The low point was the sad and premature passing of their daughter, Amy of cancer in 2002.

The Hos had been blessed with three beautiful daughters. Audrey and Amy looked more like Ho while Angie was more like Vivien. They in turn, gave the Hos, beautiful grandchildren.

There was a karaoke session and diners sang to their heart’s delight. The room was then cleared for ball-room dancing. The first to take to the floor was Ho and Vivien, dancing gracefully in true Astairian fashion.

We then said our good-byes and left the restaurant. As we drove home, we saw the Petronas Twin Towers, along the highway, bathed in a splendour of white light and shrouded in mist. The sight was wondrous to behold.

While driving back, I asked my wife. Which daughter do you think is more beautiful?

She said without blinking an eye - Audrey. I could not agree with her more. An absolute angel.

To me, Angie, in her own way, is fabulously attractive and angelic as well.

Any eligible bachelor would have fallen as casualties of love to both of them.

If only, they could turn back the hands of time….

When Audrey and Angie were still available...

Quote of the Day:

"Grow old along with me, the best is yet to be." Robert Browning

Heartsong-Heartstrong

Kiasu Gorillas and Monkeys on Your Back

"From this day onward, I want to excel," the boy pledged to his mother. Tears almost streamed out from his mother's eyes.

Awaiting the results of any examination can be frightfully trying. All of us have gone through the tension, the trepidation and anxiety pangs. It is not something new.

The boy could not sleep. The UPSR result was due to be released tomorrow morning at 10 am (16 November 2006). He was worried stiff as every one would expect him to bring home a suite of 7 As. Every parent is knee-deep in this kiasu game; mentally pitting their children against one another. His parents had provided him all the tuition he needed. Tirelessly, his mother had ferried him to the tutors without complaining. He had gone through every revision book in the market. The moment of truth was about to arrive. He must deliver. Will he get his dream come true?

Such is the immense pressure being placed upon the shoulders on a 12 year-old. As fate would have it, disappointingly he brought home only 4 As and 3 Bs. The young boy's dream was shattered. He had failed to break the family record set by his sister who brought home the joy of 7 As many years ago.

Just like this boy, my family was also caught up in this kiasu game. Relatives soon phoned in to inform that B has got 7 As and Y, 5 As. As usual, my son who secured only a meagre 3 As for his UPSR in 2004 took the resurrected brunt of ridicule. Family members dug up the ghost of yesterday to promptly remind him that he scored the lowest number of A s in his UPSR as compared to his sibling and all his cousins. As such, he was advised to buck up for his PMR next year.

As parents, why are we so competitive? Why do we subject our children to this punishment by raising the bar that high so early at their most formidable tender age? Why are we transforming them into exam freaks? Is the string of As that mandatory at the UPSR level? Isn't there more to life than hitting the books?

You can be excused if you want your children to do better at SPM or at tertiary examinations because then these As will count in securing scholarships, in getting places in reputable universities or in procuring good jobs.

As parents, we must also be realistic. There is so much to life than to confine our children to just study, study and study. In this globalised world, we must aim for a better outlook in life for our children; a more balanced life for them. Yes, they should be diligent and pay attention to school work and in doing their homework. Tuition is not a must. It should only be provided after you have personally done an audit on their school performance.

Our children are the leaders of tomorrow. As such, they must be provided with the preconditions, building blocks and opportunities to develop their leadership capacity which encompasses good social-communicative skills. Furthermore, they must be grounded firmly with good universal values - social, religious and cultural. In short, they must become more rounded.

A well-rounded personality is a boon at interviews and in securing scholarships and better paying jobs. In life, a good personality certainly can help you to get a good life partner and accelerate social mobility.

As for the boy who has pledged to excel because of his setback in UPSR, I salute him because he has matured so early in life. He knows what is important. Forget about the past. There is nothing you can do about it. The challenge is in the present and the future.

Setbacks and failures are like monkeys that cling to your back and slow you down. These monkeys disturbs you and constantly reminds you of your past failure. They can contribute nothing positive. They are demotivators. Get rid of them!

Taking the monkey off his back is surely the right step for the boy. Shrug them off, my good lad and move forward....

My best wishes to all his endeavours.

Quote of the Day:

“A word of encouragement during a failure is worth more than an hour of praise after success.”Anonymous

Heartsong-Heartstrong

Why Can't I have a Foreign Wife too?

Hmmm…So more local men are marrying foreign wives these days. Very interesting.

According to official statistics, from 2001 to June 2006, some 34,000 men took foreign brides. Indonesian ladies were the preferred mates; followed closely by mainland Chinese, Vietnamese and Thais.

I wonder why?

According to Deputy Home Affairs Minister Tan Chai Ho, the answer is love-pure and simple. Who knows what love can do to a person when his aching heart coup d’état? Tan then turned cost consultant and added that the lower cost of marriages to foreigners could be a probable factor. When challenged further that the recent influx of foreigners into the country could have contributed to this, he officially dismissed it outright in true gung-ho fashion.

So- why this trend?

Anyone willing to hazard a guess?

Some of the things that came to my mind.

Are mail order brides beginning to make a mark in Malaysia? Are bride procurement agencies reaping success from their marketing efforts? Are our workers from foreign lands returning home with their foreign wives?

Or are local girls playing harder to get? Similarly, are our men getting more selective and gone global?

Ms Fong Po Kuan (DAP- Batu Gajah), an eligible single, has asserted from the opposing pole of the compass that this trend could possibly be more the case of foreign brides taking Malaysian husbands instead, for reasons other than love per se.

Could she be right?

Quote of the Day:

“Any fool can have a trophy wife. It takes a real man to have a trophy marriage.” Diane Sollee

Heartsong-Heartstrong

Two Bad Bricks

Ajahn Brahm, the current abbot of the Bodhinyana Monastery in Australia is a profound thinker. A pragmatist, he is humorous in the way he describes life, using simple analogies to drive home his points.

From his book, Opening the Door of Your Heart and Other Buddhist Tales of Happiness, I find the story of the two bad bricks most illuminating and instructive.

As the story goes, Brahm was building the first wall of his monastery in Australia. After completing it, Brahm noticed that his wall was imperfect in spite of his attention to details. All the bricks were nicely lined up except for two which inclined at an angle. He was very embarrassed by it and hated anyone seeing it.

One day, he was walking with a visitor who saw the wall.

"That's a nice wall," the visitor remarked casually.

Brahm was taken aback and pointed out the defect caused by the two bricks.

"Can't you see those two bad bricks had spoilt the whole wall?"

What the visitor said next was to change Brahm’s whole view of the wall, of himself, and of many other aspects of life.

He said, "Yes, I can see those two bad bricks. But I can also see the 998 good bricks as well!"

On hindsight, Brahm then reflected upon the two bad bricks in life.

Far too often, we have seen people ending relationships or get divorced simply because all they can see in their partners are "two bad bricks". Similarly, many people became depressed and even contemplate suicide because all they can see in themselves are "two bad bricks".

All we see are these mistakes; we are fixated by them and we want to destroy them. And sometimes, sadly, unthinkingly, we do destroy a "very nice wall".

We've all got our two bad bricks, but the perfect bricks in each one of us are much, much more than the mistakes. We should treasure them. We should appreciate them as they are God’s gifts to us.

So therefore, be an optimist. You are a 'nice wall' unto yourself, give or take two bad bricks.

Quote of the Day:

“Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you would rather have talked.” -Mark Twain

Heartsong-Heartstrong

Marrying Younger Men?

An article in THE STAR dated 17 October stared me in the face! Its headline screamed out on page N3: Women over 30 prefer to marry younger men.

What? I can’t believe my eyes!

Reading on, it said one Aminah Abdul Rahman from the National Family Development and Population Board, stated that “educated woman above 30 years old were marrying younger men.” More astounding and incredulous was her additional revelation that the women married younger men even though these men were “financially unsound and are less educated.”
Apparently, she had based her conclusion on a working paper prepared by Associate Professor Tey Nai Peng of Universiti Malaya entitled, “Marriage and Family Development in Malaysia”.

I was shell shocked! Dumb-founded! Is this really happening? Here in Malaysia? Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher!

On further reflection, I do believe unmarried educated woman actually have fewer choices in getting a mate in their age group. This is so as those who would have met their criteria would mostly be married by then. Their next best option would be to look for a man in a similar age group, most likely a divorcee or a widower. The other possibility will be an older man looking for a wife.

To marry a younger man who is financially unsound and less educated is hard to believe! Very improbable and unacceptable in the Chinese community, at least. Family pride and honour will certainly get in the way. Any China man worth his salt will not want to play second fiddle in the family. It is mandatory for him to earn more to be able to take a wife. As such, taking a wife who earns more than him is a fat no! no! from the start. I would not comment on the other communities.

The conclusion that women actually preferred younger man for marriage partners may be questionable. Misleading. I think as age catches up, the 'field has become so much smaller with so few players' for unmarried educated women. As such it is more an issue of less choice.

Human beings need companionship and intimacy at certain times of their life; more so when they start working life. The society at large expects a woman to get hitched once she has secured a job. So these women have to take calculated risks if they desire marriage. At that age, they become vulnerable and would open themselves to all sorts of suggestions. The best and most respectable form is by way of introductions by friends and relatives.

I am of the opinion that women marrying younger men are an exception and not the rule. I believe it will not result in a trend. In this case, I think it just happens to be so because of the sampling group. If you should interview another group, you may just possibly come to another conclusion.

I also do not aim to question the methodology of the literati who did the study. Anyway, what I am saying here is that the result and conclusion of a study is directly related to the research methodology employed. I am not sure of how representative is the sampling group used or how extensive the sampling size is.

However, this is my take.

These women have little choice of selecting a mate after leaving the gates of their campuses. Being practical people,they have lowered their cross-hairs criteria-wise. Mind you; no toy-boy situation here. Definitely not a preference! We cannot draw that conclusion as yet. A further study may have to be done. We may need a time series to test this to ensure it is a sustainable conclusion.

Dr.Tey’s study also revealed that about 30% of the respondents in his study who were not married are Chinese girls. Least are the Malays at half that number. My say. Even genuine ugly ducklings find their equals. Look around on any campus ground and you will find this to be true. Water finds its own level. The average Joe finds the average Jane attractive. A sustaining relationship of the heart transcends physical beauty. Appropriacy and practicality must be the key criteria in finding a lover on campus.

I think on hindsight, few will disagree with me that many average Chinese Janes were too choosy. They thought they were all young and ravishing like a sultry Maggie Q or a charming Zhang Ziyi. And that they deserved much, much more. They dreamt of dating and marrying a Hollywood clone or a Hong-Kong star!

Then we have the other group who will not be seen out with a geek. It would seem that by going out with a geek will permanently devalue their ‘standard’ and damage their reputation. Open your eyes, my dear... There are more geeks than jocks on campus. Not every one can get those jocks. The more pretty faces with Baywatch figures, either on campus or off campus normally win hands down here. Also you must be able to bite the bullet when your virile looking lovers leave you for fresher faces! For your information, most of these jocks have been changing partners since SPM days. Go out on dates. You may love the geeks. They can be downright funny, enjoyable company and adorable beneath that bland veneer of normalcy.

Once you leave the campus, you would have the workplace to find a mate. Then, the networking route-customers and clients. A chance meeting at a seminar or workshop is a likely possibility. The e-mail and SMS will certainly be useful here.

If after all these opportunities have opened up and you still cannot find a mate, then go to those matchmaking events like the ones in which Wanita MCA hosts from time to time. Also, keh poh chee relatives and friends of your parents might lend a hand by introducing ‘a friend’s son who has just graduated some time back and (luckily for you) is looking for a life partner.’

Then there is the internet. That is available now.

If all fails, pray to God. He knows you even before you knew Him. Look to him...... He has the answer for you.

Quote of the Day:

“What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how
compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility.” Leo Tolstoy

Heartsong-Heartstrong